I Am Not Enough. Really???!!!!

October 21, 2010

I am not …………enough.  This is the most used phrase in my practice.  Not good, brave, thin, rich, likeable, kind, pretty, clever, loving, tolerant, spiritual, creative, spontaneous, confident, attractive, young, calm, smart or calm enough.  We all see lack in ourselves.  What is your particular word that you would put between “not” and “enough”? Most of us have a word and we really believe our own particular story to be true. In fact we are very perceptive, clear minded and objective when we see other people believing nonsense about themselves, but when we look at our own statement it is somehow a fact, or is it?

What does enough actually mean? The dictionary definitions I found are “adequate amount” or “sufficient for purpose”. Using the first definition, not enough implies that there is not an adequate amount of you and the second that you do not have what it takes to be you! How can either of these be true? There is not another YOU on the planet to compare you to so how do you know that you are not enough?  Not enough for whom? Not enough for what?

I think one of the reasons we do not think we are good enough is because we don’t really see who we are.  We see only the surface.  I invite you to look beyond the surface. Discover who you really are at your core.  What we all crave is Self-Acceptance, yet society teaches us not to love ourselves. We grow up believing that selfishness is bad, pride is evil and that we must put the needs of others before our own. We all have a dream of falling in love with A. N. Other, believing that only then we will be complete. No wonder self-love is so hard! When we finally begin to get a hint that self love is important we try standing in front of a mirror chanting “ I love and approve of myself just the way I am!” How well has that approach worked for you? I always feel like I am trying to convince myself of something.  What I have since learned is that self-love or self acceptance cannot be forced.  It has to be discovered.

In navigating yourself away from the space of “Not Enough” to “Self-Acceptance” you will have to get to know yourself a little better and discover what works for you.  When was the last time you stopped to ask yourself what you want or what makes you feel good? You might benefit from spending time with children and being as wild as they can sometimes be. Young children especially. They seem perfectly content with who they are and do not often look outside of themselves for validation.  They do what makes them feel good. I suggest you give yourself permission to do the same.


Be willing to make new agreements that serve you now.

Explore what your life would look like if you were living your life to please yourself.

Write yourself new terms of reference based on your beliefs, your values and your thoughts (not your parents, not your spouses, not your children’s!)

Imagine your life without all your negative self perceptions and inadequacies. Who would you be? Find ways to be that now.

Let go of being so concerned about how others see you.  It really is their business.

Decide to look at yourself in a new light.  Adopt a third person view of yourself – after all you are much kinder about your friends than you are about yourself.  Learn to see yourself with wonder and curiosity like a child would.

Remember that enough just means sufficient for purpose.  Your purpose here is to become more of who you truly are. So in essence you just have to be sufficient unto yourself. I can’t think of anyone more qualified than you to do that. Can you?  It seems you are enough after all.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: